In my ideal world, no one would ever see my face or hear my voice. I would remain in the background rather than be out front. Thus, when circumstances conspire to put the spotlight on me, I begin to experience dread.
That’s a strong word. But these are strong feelings.
This past week I had to prepare to lead an event that was relatively new for me (though the dread can arise even when presenting something for the umpteenth time!). As I finally stilled myself to begin to prepare, that old familiar feeling of dread appeared.
This time, however, instead of pushing through the feeling and doing my work while feeling dread, I stopped and acknowledged it. I don’t remember my exact words, but I said something like, “This is such a defeatist approach to life. How do I not let dread continue to beat me up?”
JACOB’S STORY
At that moment, Genesis 35:5 came to me. The version I recollected reads as such:
5 And they journeyed, and the dread of God was upon the cities that were all around them, and they did not pursue the sons of Jacob.
I discovered that all but one translation uses the word “terror” instead of “dread.” I believe that they can be interchangeable.
But before we dive further into that, allow me to provide a little context.
Please note that this summary includes acts of violence. I won’t be delving deeper into those aspects of the story, as they are not the focus at the moment, and I do believe their inclusion provides context for the story.
Jacob, one of the Hebrew patriarchs, had arrived at Shechem, where his daughter was later sexually assaulted by one of the locals. Her brothers defended her honor by killing all the men of her attacker’s family. Jacob then feared reprisal from residents of the surrounding areas because of the sons’ actions. God tells Jacob to leave Shechem and go to Bethel, the place where Jacob first encountered God. And when they leave, Genesis 35:5 happens.
Jacob dreaded/feared the potential repercussions of his sons’ actions. But he obeyed God’s instructions, and the dread of the Lord fell on the people of the surrounding areas.
Of course, in hindsight, it’s easy to see that Jacob had two choices: rely on his own dread, which paralyzed him. Or rely on the dread of God that paralyzed others. In the moment, Jacob might have articulated his options as either relying on himself or trusting the God who first spoke to him at Bethel and proved Himself faithful ever since then.
Genesis 34:30 shows that Jacob was very clear on possible negative consequences but does not indicate that Jacob knew what he should do next. In fact, Jacob predicted death and destruction was his lot.
30 Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have troubled me by making me obnoxious among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites; and since I am few in number, they will gather themselves together against me and kill me. I shall be destroyed, my household and I.”
For some amount of time, Jacob was probably like a deer in the headlights. That is until God told him to leave Shechem and go to Bethel.
We don’t read anything about Jacob trying to reason with God about his dread/fear. He just obeys. After his obedience, we read that GOD’s dread overcame the people in the surrounding cities, and no one attacked Jacob and his family.
At some point, Jacob surrendered his dread, and the dread of the Lord took over. And Jacob arrived at Bethel intact.
KAF IN ACTION
This is an example of the power of KAF.
JACOB’S PROGRESSION
Point 1: Jacob experiences dread.
Point 3: The people experience God’s dread.
Point 2: The “threshold” of transition from Jacob’s dread into God’s dread.
Point 2 is a place of surrender. At Point 2, Jacob is not in control. He has no influence or power except over his own actions. He can only yield, obey, and trust that God’s divine process is at work.
Jacob started with the best that he had: fear, dread, doubt, uncertainty, and paralysis. That left him stuck at Point 1. God’s instruction to go to Bethel activated movement to Point 2, and Jacob’s obedience completed that movement.
The Bible says that the following happened after God gave his instruction (Genesis 35: 2-4):
Jacob told his household:
To put away foreign Gods, purify themselves, and change their garments;
That they were going to Bethel; and
That he would build an altar at Bethel
Jacob buried their foreign Gods and lucky earrings/charms under a tree.
Jacob and his family begin their journey toward Bethel.
Do Jacob or the scriptures ever mention KAF (Hebrew for “palm of hand” and “sole of feet”)? No, but the actions he and his family took with their hands (putting away and burying the idols) and feet (journeying) speak to potential turned into action. But even his potential transformed into action got him to the threshold of transformation - not to actual transformation.
But it’s not just the mere involvement of physical hands and feet.
In any transition from A to B, the power of KAF is an inherent dynamic in that process. The key is how we fully appropriate that power to get us to our intended outcome
I don’t know what happened in that liminal space at Point 2 or what change transpired in Jacob. But he moved from his initial state of dread to experiencing protection in the dread of God exercised on his behalf and reached his intended end for that season: his family arrived in Bethel unmolested.
MY TRANSFORMATION
Meditating on his story and faced with my own “dread” situation, I knew that his transformation is what I wanted, what I needed. To make it from Point 1 to Point 3 whole and intact.
After God showed me these nuggets about Jacob, I asked for this same transformation to happen in me. I asked for an exchange: God’s dread for my dread. This exchange has become my present meditation and petition before the Lord.
With this most recent project I mentioned earlier, the dread did dissolve and slowly turn to excitement, anticipation, and, dare I say, enjoyment. The night before and morning of, the old familiar feelings of dread tried to rear their ugly head, but I recalled the story of Jacob and the dread of the Lord and consciously called upon His dread, And the feelings dissipated.
My session went well. I made it through with my nerves in “chill mode,” and program objectives were accomplished.
Is my journey from my dread to God’s dread over? Not by a long shot. But I’ve started it, and I’m confident I’ll get there.
What’s your present KAF journey? It may not be dread, but as humans, we all have an innate desire for more, to go from one level to the next. What transformation do you desire?
I invite you to explore that question with me in my free workshop, Potential N2 Actuality: The Power of KAF In Your Life. Details are below.
With you on the journey,
April
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